It has been two years. I have accomplished:

A bachelors degree
An apartment.
A long term relationship
Doing my own taxes (almost)

The plants have died, mostly. I have added a tiny tropical pine tree, two more christmas cacti (one from my grandfather is on death's doorstep) some very tiny and adorable succulent rosettes probably some sort of sedum. My Jades are doing ok. My aloe looks sick and the snake plant is turning skeletal and dry. Mint in the window sill is slowly dying waiting to be replanted.

I've been reading a lot of dog blogs. Got a nice reality check the other day when my neighbors dog got loose and scared the shit out of me. Reading and knowing about dogs is not the same thing as having experience with dogs. I WANT A CAT SO BAD. But I am afraid that I will not be able to afford one/ it will ruin my life by clawing all things I hold dear and in general not being as awesome as my one true cat, bob.

In other news, once upon a time you would go to college and then you would be able to get a job. I went to college- I studied hard, I aced my tests, I didn't skip, I graduated with a degree in Painting and a minor in Printmaking and Summa cum laude to beat. My whole life people told me that school doesn't matter, and to a certain extent they are right. The real world is not like school. There are no teachers in real life pressuring you to do better. Your boss is not your teacher- they are supposed to be, but for some reason you are willing to work so much harder for your teacher than your boss. But your boss gives you money! I don't understand it!

I want an art job. I do not want to direct a gallery, attempt to promote my nonexistent art to galleries, or teach children to finger paint degas images. I, however, cannot use any computer programs other than microsoft office suite and photoshop, have only a basic understanding of a camera, cannot use a light room, and cannot code for shit. Thus, I am experiencing limited job opportunities.

I have a job right now, full time with benefits. I'm so fortunate to have a job, but it isn't in the field I studied for, and these days the most artistic things I do are newsletters and posters where I toggle Word fonts. Then I get home and I'm exhausted and don't feel like doing any art. I mock things up and never touch them. Think of ideas and never paint them. Etc. Such is life. I can't imagine I'm the only one here, where no matter what the money is and what the work is, I'm not doing what I want to do or what I practiced for OR what I was trained to do for four years. That's a long time. I've spent two years post college looking for full time employment, now that I have that, I'm longing for full time employment doing something creative. Doesn't have to even be art per say- so maybe I should go back to school to fight the unhappies. Cause that's apparently a thing.