deliver the mail today, gopher.

There is a scary lady at work. She is one of those types who is always angry about everything, especially when she is forced to do the job she gets paid to do. Earlier this month I interrupted a bitch session between her and another unfortunate coworker. Like a hornet, the Office Monster had cornered a poor defenseless (not really but ok) specimen and was vehemently gesticulating at her. I walked in in time to hear this phrase, "It's not because I don't WANT to, it's more that it shouldn't be my job, but it's not like I don't want to do it..." (Which is BS because the subject in question should be part of her job). At this point, I had been standing there awkwardly for about forty seconds. I needed something from Unfortunate Coworker. "Do You NEED Something?!?!" loudly blasted my way with true bitch-i-tude. I left mumbling something about coming back. This is not our first incident. It just added fuel to the hatred between us.

Today I accidentally intercepted the mail on it's way to her desk. Already headed in the direction of her office-and the copier to make copies- I was handed off the mail. I should say, the mail was pawned off on me. I noticed upon entering the area that the outer office where Assistant Monster sits was clean, neat and deserted. Assistant Monster must be out today. I gently placed the Assistant Monster's mail in her bin, neat and organized. I entered the inner sanctum of Monsterness; if this were a video game, this is where the final boss would sit.

Office Monster wasn't here. Her office was messy, the bin on her desk was filled with papers that did NOT look like mail. I wouldn't put the mail in there to get mixed up with some project she was working on. I imagined wrath if I simply placed the mail on the keyboard, or chair. ("This is where I SIT! mail does not GO HERE what is wrong with your intelligence!") Yet, would she see the mail at all if I put it anywhere on her haphazardly crazy desk?

One thing was for sure. Wherever she was, Office Monster was coming back to the nest soon. I had to ditch the mail and get out, maybe anonymously. I heard footsteps and froze, other office banter shook me out of it and I dropped the mail and sprinted out expecting her to bump into me and spray me with pissed-off venom. She didn't.

I made copies at the copier. I kept a weary eye out to have a smile and overly enthused greeting ready for Office Monster. She didn't come. I will never know where the mail goes in Office Monster's office. I am pleased to announce that I did escape without any scathing glares or negative comments back to HQ where all your base are belong to us and there's a computer I can play on while my immediate boss discusses mail with HER boss, the Awkward Asshat. TA-DA day end.